Building Family Resilience

By Sheila Adamo, LSW, and Facilitator in the Lighthouse Guild Tele-Support Program

There are many different definitions of resilience and so many books, articles and opinions on ways to build resilience within your family. The truth is that during difficult times, it doesn’t matter what we call it or how other people define it. What matters is our behavior and what we think and feel when the trying time is over. How do you measure resilience? Is it the result or the process? It is an important step to define what resilience means to you and how you would like it to manifest within your family. The most effective way to teach resilience to your children is to model the behaviors you value and while providing a safe environment allowing them to witness your struggles as well as your successes. I will not attempt to define resilience for you, but I hope to provide some ideas for you to consider.

• Take a few minutes and think about how you define resilience and include at least 3 characteristics that you feel resilient people possess.
•  Look at each characteristic and take a personal inventory of the ways you currently model these characteristics for your kids. Be gentle and kind and show yourself compassion when looking inward. If your children are old enough, you can also list a few examples of how they exhibit these characteristics also.
• Share this list with your support system and ask for feedback and support. We usually exhibit many more strengths than we acknowledge
• Make a plan to build upon your strengths and address the characteristics that you would like to continue building and how you as a family would like to address them.

Things to consider:

• There are so many resources that have recently been made available to our families and while these are so important and they can be very helpful, it is important that we do not lose ourselves in opportunities. We can get overwhelmed in resources and instead of taking a measured approach in managing the information, it can shut our ability to explore down all together due to fatigue.
• During this stressful time families have become more isolated and there may be a dramatic increase in stress and confusion. Maintaining a schedule and incorporating family activities are a wonderful way to address the individual needs of each family member, as well as address some specific strengths of each member. Allowing each member to pick an activity and encourage them to show leadership planning and completing the activity while always providing a safe space for feedback when completed.
• Have your family develop a family motto or a specific phrase that you all can agree represents your family. This motto can be adjusted at any time to address a specific characteristic or a circumstance your family may be dealing with.
• Keep your family connected to the community as much as possible. You may need to be creative through zoom meetings and creating shared projects with others. Look for mentors that can share their unique talents with your child and will encourage confidence.
• Model problem solving and flexibility during this stressful time with all the different challenges that arise. Ask for help and brainstorm ideas with the entire family to address a current issue. This may be a time to evaluate and adjust some family rules.
• Provide plenty of opportunity for open and honest communication and for individual opinions. Respect each other and model appropriate ways to express anger and sadness.
• Have regular family meetings to discuss successes and address any issues that may have arisen.
• In this time of uncertainty, honoring old traditions and continuing to create new family traditions will create a predictable and stable home environment.
• It is even more important that you take care of yourself so that you can stay healthy and strong for your kids. Set a time to practice self-care and allow the children to see you put your own care first and then encourage them to do the same. You could incorporate a family walk or try to meditate together.